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Below are the 10 most recent journal entries.

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  2005.11.06  00.24


Seriously, fuck everyone.

  
 
Y


 
  2005.09.25  22.29


Fuck
I'm tired of being toyed with.
Anyone wanna teach me how to be gay?



Mood: nauseated 		 
 
X = Y


 
  2005.09.06  19.36


So this summer had its up's and down's but it has definitely ended at a higher point than it ever was before. All in all it was just a regular summer, and it's cool I guess. I just wish i had done a few things differently, I really wanted to experience things this summer and all I experienced were tired eyes and an aching back from sitting in this fucking chair for hours on end. This very moment, looking back on this summer, I don't remember much but the times that I do remember are very fond memories...for the most part. I've also done something I didn't think I could ever do and I'm proud of myself for it. Goodbye summer of 2005, you were pretty good to me, thank you <3.

I met Katie Frank yesterday and she's great, I hope to see much more of that girl 'cause I love her very much.

This school year is going to kill me. I'm too lazy for that shit.

I'm very very very content right now and something good is just on the horizon in my life, at least I hope it is. I'm probably wrong and I'm getting my hopes up for nothing. Three people know what I'm talking about.

I am going to get something accomplished this year that I have been dying to do, and I hope it works out as planned.


My mood has changed three times during this entry, obviously those who are reading it don't see that but, there's a lot on my mind right now and I think I'm only feeling content because I'm shrugging it all off.


Fuck this man, I want to go to school. I need something to distract my wandering mind.



Mood: calm 		 
 
X = Y


 
  2005.08.31  01.55


I just fucking saw glassjaw again.
Twice in one week, possibly thrice, if I go tomorrow.
I seriously am really inspired right now, after seeing them.
I need a fucking band.
My heart is still racing from hearing Star Above My Bed and Hotel.
Someone should help me out with the whole band thing, that'd be sweet.



Mood: good 		 
 
X = Y


 
  2005.08.11  11.45


I'm completely in love with Bury Your Head acoustic....

And I'm fucking sixteen, that's really weird.



Mood: calm 		 
 
X = Y


 
  2005.08.02  14.40


CAUTION: EPIPHANIES LIE BELOW!


I've had just about as much as i can take. I need a big change, I want to welcome something that's going to be earthshaking and I really hope something like that comes around. There's something I need to do but i'm very afraid to, even though deep down I know it will make things so much better for me. I can't stand the thought of doing something that would severely hurt someone else though, and there's also so many negative things that will come of this "something i need to do." I've come to the realization that I need to forget about everything I thought I could count on for these past few months, and I also learned that you really can not depend on another person. No matter how honest you think this person is, no matter how positive you are that they mean what they're saying, things change. There's nothing you or anyone can do to stop the affect of time on a person's way of thinking, nothing is forever, no matter how Perfect it seems. Most of you probably know what i'm talking about, but don't dismiss this as a sappy heartache entry, listen to what i'm saying, and learn from it. Protect yourself, don't ever get too attached to something because you never know when it will leave forever. If you do let something become your entire world, and it comes crashing down, things can only get better. You'll learn from it, and it can only make you stronger.

I'm done with the first half of this year, and while the second half is off to a bad start, i'm not going to let it end on the same note. I'm going to be sixteen in nine days, and that really scares me because, my childhood is almost gone. A great band once said, "I'm running from the days I should be embracing," and it's true for a lot of people. For me at least, I used to be so anxious to grow up, so I wouldn't have to go to school, so I could drive anywhere I want, so I can move away to California and live by myself. Now i'm very afraid to become an adult. I don't have the faintest idea as to which direction my life is going to take. I don't have a damn thing figured out for my future, and what I once thought would be the rest of my life, certainly isn't even in the picture anymore. In a way I suppose that it's a good thing that i'm alone, and without direction. It only means that nothing will be holding me back, and I can go anywhere I please. I just wish whatever direction I had, however false it may have been, would come back. I'm not one for improvisation and I think pretty soon i'm going to have to just stay in and think. Think about everything that has already occurred in my life, and all the possibilities ahead of me. Hopefully then i'll get some clarity. Until then i'm just going to live out whatever time i have left of my childhood and live it to the fullest. So at least if I become a nobody, I will have the memories of something great, and I would have at least accomplished one of life's true meanings, which is in my opinion, true happiness.

--

P.S.
The captivation of summer certainly is lacking this time around. I want to leave Long Island for an extended period of time, i'm getting fed up, and the thought of me being here for two more years makes me want to vomit. If it weren't for some of you i'd be living in Albany right now.

--

P.P.S
I feel refreshed and ready to start anew, for the first time in months, I feel alright.



Mood: happy 		 
 
X = Y


 
  2005.08.01  00.43


i love the why do we pray ep so fucking much. and i wanna lay down some sick vox for it. but i might not be allowed. i pretty much hate my life right now, im really hungry.



Mood: irate 		 
 
Y


 
  2005.07.26  14.35


a few lines that will eventually get better....this isn't an actual poem, its more of a jumble. and you'll probably see some of these in later entries if I like them, so its not the fact that i've run out of ideas haha. and the parentheses is in parantheses because I rhymed ease with disease. and thats pretty dumb, at least I think so.


Hold it in your hands until the camera dies, dance until you can not feel a thing inside. At a point where you are almost tranquilized, often times you can't see a thing 'til its right in your eyes. We're tearing into you, they'll follow you straight through. Chasing an eve, no longer hiding, clandestine tidings, letting it breathe. (Dying to know, will this put us at ease? Taking my time in, curing this disease.)

  
 
X = Y


 
  2005.07.26  13.52


Step 1: Get your playlist together, put it on random, and play!
Step 2: Pick your favorite lines from the first 20 songs that play!
Step 3: Post and let everyone you know guess what song the lines come from!
Step 4: Cross out the songs when someone guesses correctly!

1. Troubles come, and troubles go, the troubled path we used to know will stay with us til we get old.
2. I know there's pain in leaving things all too well, in time you’ll find needing things only kills you slowly.
3. Close those lips, try to lose me 3 more times, hush baby now don't say a word.
4. Runnin around here like some brand new pussy that's about to get fucked.
5. Yesterday you gave your burden a name. Yesterday you gave your burden a face.
6. I lifted one foot to cross the other, and I felt myself slipping. It was a small mistake. Sometimes that is all it takes.
7. I'll have to walk a thousand miles just to find the ground deserving of your feet.
8. Something is wrong, something invisible is gone. They never mind, so why should I?
9. Dicks! Friends! My house!*
10. Night falls beneath candle light, white squalls beneath winter skies.
11. I'm gonna shut it off. Gonna down all the power. I'm a doctor today, I'm curing viewers by thousand.
12. But baby makes a sweet embrace a gift so very hard to find
13. You won't know and we won't fucking go. We just keep on living.
14. What do you care anyway, you always second-hand me.
15. The anchor's kiss was scrawled in dyslexic crayon. Yes it all makes sense now.
16. If deception's fine, then this is divine. Divine, define divine.
17. This is forever, this ring will never leave this hand again.
18. Have you seen his ankles lately?
19. I've heard the mumbling of citadels shifting on this richter scale.
20. I'm beat, beet red. Ashamed of what I said.

i didnt have much of a selection with #9.
4, 7, and 18 are super easy.
repost this stuff guyzzzzz



Mood: calm 		 
 
X = Y


 
  2005.07.26  00.16


Faking things to hide behind, your home will always as well be mine. Fighting sleep, in you I confide. Just don't take ten wrong steps this time. Confront, conjoin, conflict, and divide, four words describe the battle of You and I. Take the time to take your time and see the joys of being blind. It's not so hard to find a reason to run and hide, I do hope you realize the chaos you've bred this time. All in favor of severing all ties, rise and say I. Is it almost what you've looked for, is it close to what you waited for? For this. For Grace. For your embrace.


not done yet but, it's a start.

and i added lyrics from another poem of mine, that sucks. i dono if it fits here though :-/
i don't really like the second to last line, im probably gonna change it later.



Mood: cheerful 		 
 
Y


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